Lately I’ve had too much time for myself. I need to share it. I need to share my thoughts, I need a second opinion. You know, even the deepest philosophers need somebody sometimes. I could surely use somebody. I’ve also dreamt a lot about her and the other her these days.
I think I didn’t learn how to be alone again yet. I think I need this. The time I spent alone just me and my thoughts was short actually. I more time. More time to me.
It feels much better in fact. It’s not that I don’t like my name or anything like that. But I heard/read something another day and it made me think. A lot. It was something like that: "who are you, really? you are not a name, or a height, or a weight, or a gender. […] You are the songs stuck in your head, you are your thoughts and what you eat for breakfast." That made huge sense for me. I don’t want to draw attention or anything, (as Mr.Mitty would say: “Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.”), I just want people to know me as I see me. And that’s how I see me right now. Chunks of words spreading around my mind trying to get out, even if they’re gonna stay at a piece of paper kept in a wallet. I know, many words’ve come out, but lately many of ‘em stay locked inside my head. I didn’t gave time to myself to free them. It overheats my soul, sometimes. Makes my skin barely fit. It it not about being different anymore… It is about becoming someone who I’ve always wanted to be, but I just discovered it right now.
Yeah, very funny. No, I’m not gay, just for the record. I just want to redo myself. In fact, I wanna just do myself, get my soul outside, get things and stuff and people around me that can exude great vibes. I’m focusing on other things so I don’t need to seek for happiness anymore. ‘Cause it will come naturally.