It feels much better in fact. It’s not that I don’t like my name or anything like that. But I heard/read something another day and it made me think. A lot. It was something like that: "who are you, really? you are not a name, or a height, or a weight, or a gender. […] You are the songs stuck in your head, you are your thoughts and what you eat for breakfast." That made huge sense for me. I don’t want to draw attention or anything, (as Mr.Mitty would say: “Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.”), I just want people to know me as I see me. And that’s how I see me right now. Chunks of words spreading around my mind trying to get out, even if they’re gonna stay at a piece of paper kept in a wallet. I know, many words’ve come out, but lately many of ‘em stay locked inside my head. I didn’t gave time to myself to free them. It overheats my soul, sometimes. Makes my skin barely fit. It it not about being different anymore… It is about becoming someone who I’ve always wanted to be, but I just discovered it right now.
Yeah, very funny. No, I’m not gay, just for the record. I just want to redo myself. In fact, I wanna just do myself, get my soul outside, get things and stuff and people around me that can exude great vibes. I’m focusing on other things so I don’t need to seek for happiness anymore. ‘Cause it will come naturally.
Why do you do this to yourself? You have friends, you’re beatiful, you’re fun, you’re charismatic… you’re strong. Nobody deserves to feel the way you’re feeling. Alright, I don’t know how it is to live your life, but I surely know you’re not alright. Don’t forget what we said to you the other night. No matter what happens, hold still. We, I mean, everybody who knows you, cares ‘bout you. It is too much trouble to a so much young person. I know it may sound a little bit early to say, but no matter what my friends tell me, I care about you. I see everyday you writing down stuff that looks very hard to deal with. Whatever happens from now on, if it’s harder or not, believe: It’s gonna get better. It HAS to. Don’t pull that trigger, don’t press that knife, don’t jump over that building. You still have people to meet, places to go, music to listen to… a whole life to live. Please, consider it.
P.S.: If I’m not saying it personally to you, you know why is it. I’m a little bit shy…